Getting Started

So it is official. I'm now unemployed until the start of the next school year. However I'm still super unmotivated to much of anything.

I'm starting light; today I'm going to clean my house. Last time I cleaned I was able to get in my application for Renhill and start subbing.

Its a start.

The end of a season

Tomorrow will be my last day subbing for the school year, and as long as I find a job this summer it may be my last time subbing ever.

Over the past few weeks I had the distinct pleasure of filling in for a 5th grade teacher on paternity leave on a pretty regular basis. I've gotten to know the students and their daily routine. I didn't feel as much like a sub as a co-teacher. These were not just some kids I was going to spend a day with and then for the most part forget about. They became my kids.

Today I didn't take a single break from them. I ate lunch outside with them, and spent recess playing frisbee and racing around the track with them. It didn't hit me til the end of the day though when one of my students asked if I would be back tomorrow.

I told her I would be at the school, but not in their class. I'm done as their teacher. She then proceeded to reach in her desk and retrieve a piece of notebook paper that had been folded in half hamburger style. Scrawled in pencil across the front in as fancy as a block print as a 5th grade girl can manage and underlined with a squiggle was written, "Mr. B." She told me not to open it until I got home, and I told her I wouldn't and tucked it in the front cover of book I managed to finish today. However, I couldn't wait, and as soon as all my students has left the room my hand darted for my book and pulled the letter out of its temporary home. I unfolded the letter to find one of the most precious things ever written to me.

Dear Mr. B,
You have been a nice teacher. I will miss you. Hope find a Job when were gone for the summer. Thank you for being my subteacher!

Bye!

Your Student,

At the bottom she printed and signed her name. I felt like I could cry. I knew my time with them was up, but I did nothing about it. All I have now is this one letter. This one letter which is worth more to me than most anything. I'll miss you too kids.

I'll miss you too.

Fighting Apathy

Apathy sucks. Since hearing last week that I did not get the North Baltimore job I have felt very apathetic. I got my hopes up for that job. I knew it wasn't a done deal, but I figured the odds were good nonetheless. I have much I would like to be doing now, as well as with this summer. I need to figure out how I'm paying back my loans, how I'm making money after schools let out, where I'm working next year, where I'm living next year. I'm not terribly worried about those things, and that is fine, but I don't give a shit about them and that isn't fine. These are big things, and even if they don't stress me out I should still care.

But I don't...

I'm making myself take care of the loan thing today, but I wouldn't be surprised if I convince myself to put it off again. I need a list, or a set of goals. Maybe with a reward system so that I get excited for accomplishing things. Maybe once I've done a couple of those things I'll be more excited for the rest. At any rate, here are some of the things I would like to accomplish this summer. Feel free to ask me anytime how my list is coming.

-Find a job for the fall
-Finish Lord of the Rings
-Write a song or three
-Read something that challenges me
-Make more of my own meals (maybe cook through a smaller cook book)
-Brew a pilsner or another summery beer
-Exercise, eat better, lose weight
-Get in the bible a good deal more
-Pray more often
-Lose a few strokes in my disc golf game
-Bike the entire Slippery Elm Trail
-Take sidewalk chalk to the trail and write encouraging messages for the runners, bikers and bladers.
-More hugs and high-fives

Its a start. This summer, let's kick apathy's ass. Let's grab it by the ankles, shake it and steal its lunch money. Let's get excited. This is a season to do stuff.

Its a start.